What makes me strong?

Allah.
Rania.
My husband.
My parents.
My friends.
My colleagues.
My students.

I still remember when those mental illnesses hit me so hard, I was blank. Then, seeing Rania praying with her dad makes me ‘sober’. I stayed on the ground for a moment. Rania was praying while holding her teddy bear and she followed her dad to pray for me.

Those moments are scary. I lost control of myself for a few days. I was so scared. I can’t think clearly. I crashed. I sunk. Rania has never left me for a second, she was always beside me, cure me by telling me stories and singing.

“Ran, I am sorry…”
“What for mom?”
“I was angry with you when you broke my laptop when we were in Dublin”
“That’s okay mommy, that’s not your fault”

That piece of conversation melts me down at that time. It took 2 years for me to ask for apologies to her. And I did that when I was ‘high’.

Thanks Rania for accepting me as your mother. I wish that you can learn something from my posts here. I can’t leave you anything but these. I am building a good name for you, as a researcher, as a lecturer, and as an academician, but I am not sure that it will be a good enough for you to be proud of me, like I proud of you 🙂

You are the reason – Calum Scott

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