These two weeks, I am lost.. Just because my professor asked me what my research question will be. I have my own topic which has been approved by her since the beginning of my interview session with her.
My professor is strong, like my mother. I love her directness in saying something, as I am not good at catching hidden meaning. But, her questions are really bugging me, not in a bad way, good way indeed. Even for answering those questions, I have my two weeks gone, how will I answer the angels’ questions in afterlife? What is your entire life dedicated for? I might only last for 30 years? 50 years? 70 years? Mayflies only have 1 day to live and what I am going to do with my ‘1 day’ if I were mayfly? I don’t have enough money or houses or knowledge as legacy to my future generations.
I keep asking for myself, why I should choose this one, do that, why not the other one? It is no longer because ‘it is what normal people do’, since I moved here, there is no ‘normal’ term. Everything changes.
Yesterday, I said to my professor, ‘is it too late that if I want to change my topic back to forex forecasting?’. I don’t know where I got this fortune-telling passion from :)) But, I just feel empty when doing forex forecasting. Totally empty.
Now, I carry something new, out of my comfort zones. Personalized Weather-related Infectious Disease Adviser System. I even don’t know how to
spell build that, I just have a big dream that it will inspire somebody to build better than mine, so the generation of my daughter will be guided by those adviser system. Even after I died.
Saying that statement to my professor is just like saying that ‘I am going to surrender, should I go back to my previous life?’ #dramajuststarted
Fortunately, she said to me this wise statement ‘All this stuff are about process, you just being here for 6 months. I can say that you are not too late to do that. But, I bet that there are lots of scientist did time-series forecasting.’ She is right, plus I have no passion to continue the time-series forecasting.
All I have to do is hearing what universe is saying to me, open up all my senses and find a way to collect my shredded passion and of course literature!, seeing the smiling faces of Rania and beat this one! I don’t want going back to forex forecasting even though it will produce lots of money, I have to do something for a better future and create a legacy in which my descendants will say proudly ‘she is my ancestor!’.
Time to wake up and making that legacy! 😉