Rewrite IELTS Writing Part 2

Writing in IELTS seems more difficult day by day, as so many aspects of English language that I don’t really understand. I tend to be an ignorant person about language subject before, but these months I am forced to be an instant linguist. Listening, Reading, Writing and Speaking are four skills that I should master, furthermore they are in English, even though in Indonesian sometimes I do not really good at them. I read a motivational writings several days ago in my friend’s house, and it is about an examiner point of view towards the test takers who are not having English as they first language. It obviously states that learning other languages which take place not in the origin of its language is difficult, for daily conversations we use Indonesian instead of using English.

Well, here it is my writing assignment yesterday, I decided to post it here due to show my commonly mistakes. The question is whether I should agree or disagree with the statement “Students should pay their education fee in order to get better deliveries” or something like that.

Nowadays, educational fee is getting higher than previous years. Some people may argued argue that education programs need costs to run their business well, some others say that every people whatever their financial background should attend them to get a brighter future. To accommodate these two beliefs, governments now provide scholarships to fulfill the universities expenses and make a better chance to whoever has (been) selected to be granted, but it seems that paying the full cost of their own might be a better solution to this problem.

Students who had paid the fees are tend to be more serious in taking their course as they already have spent their big amount of money to get the education they want. Besides the lost feeling of their money, they (are) supposed to be more responsible to themselves because they were not merely spending but investing with unclarity when the time they got the profits back.

On the other hand, it cannot be conclude(d) that students who get paid by the state for their education are irresponsible. Hence, we may noticed notice several complicated procedures to apply scholarships in order to test the awardees candidates’ seriousness in Universities.

Paying the fees or may be the feeling of paying the fees could empower the motive of students to study hard because the University itself is a business that provide(s) better services when the students met the criteria they wanted. It is undeniable that one of the second most important requirements after intelligence certificates are the student’s ability to pay they course.

After I re-read this essay, I feel confuse because it is not clearly stated what my position towards this task? Do I agree or disagree? Or maybe partly agree? Wkwkwk…

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